This isn’t a step I’m taking to get to Spain, just a thought I had while driving the other day. It’s a little something extra of why I want to go to Spain, since most people’s first question is, “why?”
I’m a very unsure person. I hate making decisions because I don’t know if it’s the right choice or not. 99% of the time, I’m unsure of what I do and rely on others with more experience to tell me what I should do. Before I make any decision, I ask myself, “how will this affect my life?” and, “what will be the consequences?”
The decision to apply seemed easy to me. The decision to accept placement was a little harder, but I knew deep down what I wanted, I just needed the support of my boyfriend. My relationship would have been the only thing holding me back, so the fact that he said I should absolutely accept made the decision much easier. With him on Spain’s side, I knew what to do. Somehow, this decision just feels right. This is that 1% that I am sure of, that no one can convince me out of, that I just know will work out. I hope I’m right.
Of course it’s scary, moving across an ocean and many countries to a place I’ve never been where I don’t speak the language to do a job I’ve never done before. There are a lot of if’s and uncertainties, but I know that I must really want it to be so sure with all those uncertainties. I wonder if others out there doing this feel the same way I do about it, or if my crazy Spanish obsession is unique. I’m not Hispanic and I don’t speak Spanish; in fact, my heritage is Scotch-Irish, German, French, and English. I’m not sure where the Spanish obsession came from, but all I know is this is something that I have to get out of my system…and see if all my hopes and expectations live up to what I’ve hyped up to myself.
I guess this is one of those things that you just know you’re meant to do, or you’re not meant to do it. I’ve been waiting my whole life to feel like this about other things (jobs, places to live, etc.) but everything else is still just as uncertain in my life. So I’m going to try this Spain thing out and see where it takes me and hope for the best!