There are plenty of travel blogs out there where people talk about quitting their jobs and moving abroad, maybe never coming back. But what about someone like me, who quit my job to move abroad for a year and then returned home?
Life After Living Abroad
I’ve been living in the past since I returned to the United States after my fairy tale year living in Southern Spain in 2014-2015. I post old pictures on my social media accounts, send my Spanish friends Christmas cards every December, and check Snapchat to see what my Spanish students are up to. It’s been over a year since I got back physically, but mentally I’m still there. I’m going through the motions of living back home, but I’m not really here.
Challenges of Returning Home
Post-expat depression is a real thing! It's hard to transition back to life before living abroad. Click To Tweet Even though nothing at home has changed, I have changed (and no one else has). I know what’s out there now and I know what I’m missing. I’d adapted to a different way of life and then had it ripped away from me. I was just getting good at speaking Spanish and learning the lay of the land…and now I haven’t been back since. Probably the only people who could understand what I mean are people who have lived abroad, had their eyes opened to the rest of the world, and come back to find nothing has changed, but they’re too worldly now to fit in to that old lifestyle. After returning home from living abroad, I learned nothing changed but me. Click To Tweet
It’s difficult to accept that my new life is my old life. I miss a lot of things about living abroad, things I didn’t even know I wanted until I had them. I enjoyed the simple living of Spain, walking to the neighborhood market to buy fresh food just brought in off the farm, sitting outside talking to neighbors, wandering down to the local bar for a drink and fútbol (soccer) game, and watching kids pass the time together in the park. Back in New Jersey, life after living abroad is fast-paced, everything is driving distance away, everything is expensive, the food is mass-produced and frozen, and everyone yells at each other.
What Am I Doing Now?
So what happens after an expat returns home? I’m a planner, so I had a plan for when I returned. I was going to work my summer job and go back to grad school in the fall. Success on both accounts. I’m lucky enough to have a summer job that I’ve had for the past 13 years, so teaching English abroad fit nicely into that schedule and allowed me to work both surrounding summers without missing a beat. Last fall, I enrolled in the Graduate School of Education at Rutgers University to become a school counselor; after teaching English abroad, I decided my future life after living abroad lies in education and helping future generations become more culturally aware of the world as I was living abroad.
My second summer in the U.S. after living abroad I went back to my summer job again and am about to start year two of full-time graduate school. I hope to graduate in the spring with my Master’s in Counseling Psychology with a certificate in School Counseling. Then, I have a decision to make: do I go back for one more year abroad before I settle down and get a full-time job, or do I jump into helping young minds become the best they can be?
How to Cope
Each day, the memory of living abroad gets a little dimmer. I talk about it a little less. I become a little more acclimated to American life again. I’ll never forget my experience and I continue to live it through other travel blogs, but it almost seems like an amazing dream now.
My life after living abroad is mostly depressed, anxious, and I am always looking forward to my next adventure. Even when I’m on vacation somewhere, I find myself searching for flights for my next trip. Searching for the best deal helps me cope with being a national again, even if I don’t ever actually go on the trips.
Taking quick trips helps me cope with life after living abroad too. Whether it’s exploring my own backyard, taking a quick domestic flight somewhere nearby like Niagara Falls or Florida, or booking a solo international trip like Iceland (in November – yay!), it makes me feel like I’m at least getting out there. I’ve tried to go somewhere at least once every month or two, and so far it’s working and gives me something to look forward to.
Staying in touch with the friends I made while living abroad helps me relive our great adventures and lets me know I’m not alone in my post-expat depression of life after living abroad. Keeping in touch with friends in Australia, Spain, France, and even right here in the U.S. helps me cope. Also, connecting with other travel bloggers and following their travels, expat lives, or past experiences also help.
Finally, treating everywhere I go like a new adventure helps me believe even my hometown is a new travel destination. I try to act like a tourist everywhere I go, whether it’s photographing a popular tourist sight, going on a bike ride to a new part of the town or city, getting a hotel room, or doing a city tour, I can pretend I’m a tourist exploring a new place. Maybe my pictures aren’t as exciting as castles and waterfalls, but New Jersey is still a tourist destination to someone somewhere.
How is your life after living abroad? Do you feel the post-expat depression like I do? What were some of the ways you coped with the return home?
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This is really interesting to read! I’m living in France for a year and then will return back to UK for my last year of study. I’m so worried about all the things you’ve listed here, but I’ve already decided I’ll go on mini trips each weekend. Going abroad definitely makes you think about your home in a different light and I’m excited to look at my country like a foreigner and make sure I see a lot more of its beauty.
It’s great that this is something you think about now! I hadn’t thought about it at all while I was abroad. I try to go on as many mini trips as I can now and it definitely helps, but it’s almost like a tease. Once you’ve had a taste, it’s hard to go back to the world you used to know! But day by day, I’m trying to adapt back into my previous life. I just hope I don’t lose what I gained by living abroad 🙂 I hope the transition home is easier for you!
Hi Lyssie, I’m a bit behind with my comment, all the same, I thought I would join in the conversation.
Your post is particularly pertinent, and it’s a subject matter that I’ve not dwelt upon myself to any great depth.
I lived in three different Asian countries over an eight-year period – Malaysia, Philippines, China. I’m now back in England, United Kingdom – close enough to my original home of Scotland – and have been here for the previous seven months or so.
I guess that the reason I do not feel depressed about being here is that I know that I can “run away” pretty much at any time. I suspect if I was stuck in a “proper job” (I work online, thus avoiding a “proper job”) I’d feel totally miserable. However, it’s the knowledge that I can just go that keeps me sane, even if I never do go.
And I think that’s the key to sanity and happiness – just believing that if you really want to, you can… You’re free to choose. There are no chains holding you back. You’re still free to make the selection. I think it’s the sense of freedom that maintains a peaceful mind in this respect.
Hi Joseph, wow thank you for this!
You may have missed your calling in life as a motivational speaker. Having the ability to just go is exactly what I need, otherwise I feel trapped. I almost feel like it’s an addiction – they tell alcoholics not to tell themselves they can never have another drink again, just take it day by day. I can’t feel like I’ll never live abroad again or I’ll break down, I just have to not plan for the future and leave the option available 🙂
Do you ever worry that bouncing around leaves you more alone and that it’s hard to maintain lasting relationships? I think that’s the main thing holding me back now.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in the way I feel about this, and that you found a solution for repatriation depression!
🙂 Thanks for the compliment, Lyssie. However, me and motivational speaking don’t quite hit the mark, hence, in part at least, my preference for working online, whereby I can hide behind a veil of secrecy 😉
Yes, indeed, you make a thoroughly valid point: It’s more difficult to maintain lasting relationships. However, in terms of friendships, I’m really only intent on the forging of true friendships, and irrespective of how long I’m away for, those deeper friendships will stand the test of time. In fact, some of my best friendships are with people I met online a number of years back, so we can always keep in touch regardless my locale.
I am an expat myself and I don’t know if I could cope with going back home. I already have 3 years since I’m in the UK and going back to my home country is not an option. I used to have post-trip depression every time I would return from a trip, but now it’s different. I love this country too much and i am happy to return to it. I do feel blue after longer trips but because I try to travel as often as I can I find it a bit easier.
Where are you living now? Isn’t it crazy how much we fall in love with the world once we get out in it?
Interesting insight into life after living abroad. I like how you are exploring your own backyard now. As a part time traveler, I have to do this often to fuel my wanderlust. Plus, New Jersey is pretty awesome 🙂
I lived in Tanzania. Great experience nature wise, terrible expat scene. So, i found out i am great with 3 to 4 months a year in Africa, the rest is my real friends at home and my family, also felt a bit guilty staying abroad since my father is getting older, 80.
Wow, Tanzania, what an interesting place to go! Was it a bad expat scene because there weren’t many expats there? I’d love to go there…I wonder if I could live there
There are some really good thoughts in here about hometown tourism. Like you, I’ve found that coming back from a long international stay has made me more curious about the areas I’d never explored in my own country. Florida is almost another country relative to New Jersey after all 😉
It’s totally another country! I’ve visited Florida three times since I moved back with plans to go back in October and December…it’s a great place to explore! 🙂
The first paragraph of this article brought tears to my eyes. You have captured my feelings oh so well in this article. I too lived abroad for a year, half backpacking the other half living in Italy as an au pair. I felt so lost when I left, so sad that this amazing experience was over and I have yearned for it again ever since I left. SO two years later… I’m going back to Italy. I’ve come to accept the fact that I am not conventional, and that it’s ok, in fact it’s more than ok 🙂 Anyways, seriously love this article, and thank you for sharing! Would love to chat more and exchange stories! Love meeting likeminded people!
I’m so happy to hear someone else had a similar experience and that you’re going back again! I keep applying to the teaching English program I was in and accepting, then backing out. I hope to do it one more time before I hit the age limit…I’d love to be European again. Have an amazing time in Italy, I look forward to reading your posts about going back!! 🙂
I absolutely love this post! I lived in the US for a bit and miss it every single day.
I love that you’ve found ways to conquer the post-expat Blues – you’ve given me hope (and good advice!!)
I always feel that way when I come back from long travel. I like your idea of taking small trips. Whenever I feel down I go for walk in park which help me boost up.
it still always hits me, when i come back from a long travel. i always look at the pictures which at the beginning makes me feel more upset but then i just think: i got so lucky to see that, why so sad 🙂
This is too real!! I am currently visiting home as an expat…and it’s been nice but I still feel like my heart is in two places. The more I visit my home the easier it gets to retransition though!
The longest that I’ve been away consecutively at this point is 6 weeks and even that was somewhat difficult to come back from. I can imagine it being a significantly bigger adjustment if one is gone for an entire year, particularly if they stayed in one place for most of it. I think anyone who has spent considerable time away has experienced those post abroad blues, but you weren’t just roaming abroad, you became part of a community and had to leave it. It sounds like you’ve reached a happy place over time since your return though and I’m so excited for you. And, you’re right, NJ absolutely can be a tourist destination. Considering I’ve never stepped foot in the Garden State, I plan to play tourist there for a little while at some point. Time will tell….
Before I moved to Spain for a year, I worked in Mexico for 6 weeks (3 times), so I totally understand how hard it is to leave after 6 weeks! Anytime you immerse yourself in a different culture, meet amazing new people, and become part of the way of life, it’s hard to say goodbye. And that is totally possible in 6 weeks!